So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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