so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
