yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
