Whod you bang
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
