I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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