News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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