"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize