She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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