i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
