You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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