He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
