Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
