I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My cat gives me a boner
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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