This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
