I'm jealous of your bromance
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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