Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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