making cat noises will not fix the situation.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
