I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
