Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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