You're a womanizer and a bitch.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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