Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm getting married
To pizza
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
