So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
