I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
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