3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
