I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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