We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
