FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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