i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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