i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize