So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
