omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
