I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I lost the right to judge tonight
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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