similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
