He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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