i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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