And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
