sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
