He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
