then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize