she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
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I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
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NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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