just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
