ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
