My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
