have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
