So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
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somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
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Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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