I think I died a long time ago.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
