i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
