I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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