I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
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