She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
