I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
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PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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