apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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