Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
