Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i've created a new STD.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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