nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
