It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
