oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
