My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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