i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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