peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
