Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
