I can tuck mytits in my pants
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
