yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
