The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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