I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
